More Than the Right One

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)

A woman walks down the beach, picks up an old lamp half buried in the sand, and a genie pops out.

She asks for three wishes. He tells her it's his first day, so she gets one. She unfolds a map and points to the Middle East, asking for permanent peace. The genie winces. Centuries of conflict is above his pay grade. "What else do you have?"

She thinks for a second. “I’d like a husband who's considerate, loves kids, likes to cook, does chores without being asked, and hates sports.” The genie sighs. "Let me see that map again."

We all go into marriage with a list. From height to humor, career to characteristics, these qualities add up to "the one." But the truth is that even if you find that person and check every box, and you still end up disappointed, because the list was solving the wrong problem the whole time.

It will do you no good to find the right person if you are not the right person to be married to. 

Paul understands this writing to the church at Ephesus. He gives 35 words to wives and 105 words to husbands, because God doesn’t hand out a checklist. He gives you a prescription. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Eph. 5:25) That is not a description of a feeling. It is a command aimed at the kind of person a husband becomes – not just good, but godly.

You can spend years grading your spouse's flaws against the list in your head, or you can ask God to grow you into the kind of husband or wife God calls you to be. 

You don't need a knight in shining armor. Christ already gave Himself for you to prove that kind of love. Stop waiting for someone else to change, and let Him start with you.

Prayer if you’re married: Father, I've spent too long grading the person I married against a list in my head. Turn that list back on me today. Grow me into the husband or wife You've already described in Your Word. I want to become, not just find. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Prayer if you’re unmarried: Father, I've spent too long wishing my circumstances would change instead of asking You to change me. Reshape me into the person Your Word already describes. Make me more like Jesus. In His Name, Amen.