Relationship Ratio

"How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves."
Song of Solomon 1:15 (NIV)

How often do you use encouraging words to build up your spouse?

I read about a middle-aged couple sitting close together on the couch, reading their favorite magazines. The husband notices his wife wearing new glasses. He snuggles up next to her and playfully takes them off. "Without your glasses, you look just like the woman that I married," he says. She looks at him and replies, "Without my glasses, you don't look so bad either."

The Song of Solomon is a love song celebrating the beauty and intimacy of marriage. In chapter one, verse fifteen, King Solomon affirms his wife with these words: "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves." He's not just noticing her, he's declaring it. She reciprocates in the next verse, "How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming!" (Song of Solomon 1:16a, NIV)

Solomon understood that the way to a woman's heart is through her ears. In his research, world-renowned therapist John Gottman discovered that healthy marriages maintain a 5:1 ratio. For every one negative interaction, you need five positive ones. Constant criticism kills love, but consistent affirmation builds it.

What did your communication look like with your spouse yesterday? Set a reminder each day this week to encourage your spouse. When it goes off, stop whatever you're doing and text your spouse one thing you appreciate about them. Not generic, but specific. "I love how patient you were with our kids this morning," or "You looked incredible today."

Watch how five days of intentional encouragement begins to shift the atmosphere in your marriage.

Prayer: Lord, teach me to speak life into my marriage. Help me see my spouse through Your eyes and speak words that build up instead of tear down. Give me creativity to affirm genuinely and consistently. Make my words a fountain of encouragement. In Jesus' Name, Amen.