“That’s Once.”

Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 
Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV)

I read about an elderly couple who were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. A young man at the party asked how they did it: “Sir, I’m not yet married, but I want to be, and I’d like to know, what’s the secret to your long and happy marriage?” The old man pulled him over to the corner of the room and said, “Well, it all started on our honeymoon. We went to the Grand Canyon. We got on a couple of mules to ride down the canyon, and my wife’s mule stumbled a little and almost threw her off. She said very calmly, ‘That’s once.’ A few minutes later it stumbled again. She said, ‘That’s twice.’ When it stumbled a third time, she got off the mule and shot it right between the eyes.” The young man gasped and said, “What happened then?” The old man smiled and said, “Well, I looked at her, and I said, ‘Honey, now why did you do that?!’ She looked me right in the eyes and said, ‘That’s once,’ and ever since then, we’ve never had one major disagreement.”

Maybe your marriage hasn’t involved a mule, but you know what it’s like to keep score of every small hurt. Solomon wrote about a better way in Ecclesiastes: “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun…” (9:9, NIV). That’s not just wisdom; it’s a command. And whatever God commands, He also gives you the grace to do.

When two people marry, it’s God’s will for that marriage to be a happy union, not a civil war, but a happy union takes work. It’s hard to build a marriage that lasts, and it’s just as hard to live inside one that isn’t working. I like to say, “Choose which hard you’re willing to accept—the pain of progress or the pain of regret.”

Start with an honest assessment. How do you view your spouse right now? Has contempt crept in at breakfast, criticism where kindness used to sit? Get before the Lord today and get honest with Him about your marriage.

Let His love warm what’s grown cold, or blow on the embers if that’s all that’s left, until you begin to believe again in a love that lasts. You don’t have to have it all figured out today. You just have to be honest and let Him meet you here.

Prayer: Father, I don’t want just to endure my marriage; I want to enjoy it the way You intended. Help! Show me where contempt or criticism has taken priority over kindness and respect. Warm what’s grown cold. Fan the embers that are left, Lord. Let Your Holy Spirit guide us into a thriving marriage made in Heaven. In Jesus’ name, Amen.